ChatGPT Roasts SEWIFFL

Jim: Oh, Dak Picks, huh? More like "Dak-ky Choices." I mean, come on, Tua Tagovailoa as your quarterback? Is this a fantasy league or a sympathy league? You're about as likely to win with Tua as he is to hit a deep ball. Maybe you're banking on the "Miami Miracle" happening every week, but I wouldn't bet my fantasy season on it.

And let's talk about those running backs. Najee Harris and Miles Sanders? It's like you're trying to reenact a game of "Who Can Get Stuffed at the Line of Scrimmage Faster?" Seriously, those guys are gonna spend more time running into brick walls than actually scoring points.

As for your wide receivers, Mike Williams and Davante Adams are solid choices. But, let's be real, even they can't carry this team to victory on their own. They're like two Ferraris in a junkyard – impressive, but ultimately surrounded by scrap.

And finally, David Njoku at tight end? I guess you decided to take a break from making competitive picks and went with "Who Can I Find on the Waiver Wire at the Last Minute?" Not exactly a championship-caliber strategy.

Dak Picks, I hope you have a backup plan because right now, your team is looking about as promising as a kicker trying to tackle Derrick Henry. Better luck next year – or maybe next decade.

Ryan(I included "if he even plays after Travis Kelce's name): Oh, Team Cotch11, or should I say "Team Catch These Ls"? Your fantasy football lineup looks more like a recipe for disaster than a championship contender. Let's break down this roster like a cheap folding chair at a tailgate party.

First up, your QB, Patrick Mahomes. The guy's got talent, sure, but you're acting like you just discovered fire with that pick. Did you really think you were being clever? Everybody and their grandma knows Mahomes is a stud, so congratulations on not messing that up.

Now, onto your running backs. Aaron Jones and James Conner? It's like you raided the leftovers bin at the RB buffet. Jones is solid, but with A.J. Dillon lurking, his value could go up in smoke faster than a barbecue mishap. And Conner? He's about as durable as a paper umbrella in a monsoon. You better have a backup plan, 'cause he'll be injured faster than you can say "glass bones."

Your wide receivers, Christian Kirk and Deebo Samuel? Well, at least you're diversifying your portfolio of mediocrity. Kirk's ceiling is so low you'd need a shovel to find it, and Deebo's injury history is longer than a CVS receipt. Good luck praying for their health all season long.

And then there's Travis Kelce, the TE that every fantasy manager wishes they had. But, as you astutely pointed out, "if he even plays." Way to make us all question your draft strategy even more. Did you think Kelce was going to retire mid-season, or are you just trying to make this roast easier for us?

In conclusion, Team Cotch11, your roster is about as impressive as a participation trophy. Maybe next year, you'll spend more time researching and less time trying to be cute with your draft picks. Until then, enjoy watching the playoffs from the comfort of your basement.

Andy(And so far ChatGPT's lowest quality work. Although it admits it hasn't had updated info since 2021): Oh, Joe Buck Yourself, you must really hate winning fantasy football championships, huh? I mean, looking at your lineup, it's like you drafted by closing your eyes and throwing darts at a board. Let's break it down, shall we?

First up, Justin Herbert. He's your QB, huh? Well, he might be putting up some numbers, but let's be real here – the only thing more inconsistent than Herbert's performance is your decision-making skills.

And then there's Alexander Mattison and Tony Pollard. Oh, what a dynamic duo of backup running backs you've got there! It's like you're trying to win the "Best Handcuff" award in your league. Newsflash: they're not gonna do much for you unless Dalvin Cook and Zeke Elliott suddenly decide to retire and join the circus.

Ja'Marr Chase and AJ Brown are your wide receivers? Good luck hoping they both have a great week at the same time. It's like playing Russian Roulette with your fantasy points. One week, they're breaking records, and the next, they're posting goose eggs. I hope you have a psychiatrist on speed dial for the emotional rollercoaster they'll put you through.

Mark Andrews at tight end? Well, I guess you needed someone to catch passes from Lamar Jackson when he's not running the ball himself. But don't worry, Andrews will be sure to sprinkle in some underwhelming weeks just to keep you guessing.

In summary, Joe Buck Yourself, your fantasy football team looks like the kind of lineup you'd assemble if you were playing "Fantasy Football: Hard Mode." But hey, maybe you'll prove us all wrong and win the league. Or maybe you'll just be the punchline in everyone else's victory speeches. Good luck!

Bill: Oh, "Bart Was the Best," huh? Well, I hope your fantasy team name isn't the only thing stuck in the past because your lineup looks like it's straight out of the Stone Age.

Joe Burrow as your quarterback? More like Joe "Burrowed in the Bench" with those injury concerns. He's the kind of guy who throws more interceptions than touchdowns while chewing gum on the sideline.

Nick Chubb is your top running back? He's got all the explosiveness of a wet firecracker. You're banking on the Browns' ground game, but good luck when Kareem Hunt takes half his touches.

James Cook? Seriously? I bet most people don't even know who he is. Your RB2 is so obscure; even GPS can't find his stats.

DK Metcalf and Skyy Moore are your wide receivers? Well, DK might be able to catch a Hail Mary, but I doubt Skyy can catch a cold in the Arctic. It's like you're trying to compete in a high-stakes league with a team of part-time skydiving instructors.

Dallas Goedert at tight end? More like Dallas "Gonna-Drop-It." The Eagles' offense hasn't exactly been a goldmine for fantasy points lately.

Honestly, your lineup is so dated, even Bart Starr would say, "I think it's time to update this roster, pal." You better pray for some divine intervention because you're gonna need a miracle to win anything with this squad.

(At this point I reminded ChatGPT that Kareem Hunt doesn't play for the Browns anymore): It seems my roast was a bit outdated, much like your team. Kareem Hunt moved on from the Browns, and I must admit, I'm surprised you even knew Joe Burrow was playing football, given your player choices.

But hey, don't worry, with a team like yours, you might need to hit the waiver wire so often that even the Fantasy Football Gods will start blocking your calls. Best of luck with your fantasy season, and may you find some hidden gems to replace those outdated picks!

Chris: Oh, Rated Eks, huh? More like Rated Excessive Expectations! Your starting lineup might look good on paper, but let's break it down like a fantasy football analyst who's had too many Red Bulls:

• Justin Fields at QB? You must have drafted him hoping he'd magically transform into Justin Herbert overnight. I'm sorry, but the Bears offensive line isn't the only thing that's shaky here.

• Christian McCaffrey and Austin Ekeler as your RB duo? Sure, when they're healthy, they're dynamite. But when they're injured, your team is about as useful as a wet paper bag in a rainstorm. You might want to invest in some good luck charms.

• Amari Cooper and Chris Godwin at WR? Did you draft these guys, or did you just pick the most inconsistent wide receivers you could find? One week they're catching touchdowns, the next week they're missing in action. Good luck predicting their performance.

• Kyle Pitts at TE? Rookie tight ends are about as reliable as a coin flip. You must be hoping he'll be the second coming of Gronk, but he's got a long way to go before he reaches that level.

Overall, Rated Eks, your team is like a roller coaster - lots of ups and downs, and I'm not sure if it's going to make anyone queasy or scream with excitement. But hey, that's the beauty of fantasy football - you never know who's going to break out or break down. So strap in and enjoy the ride, because with this lineup, you're in for one wild season!

(I told ChatGPT that Kyle Pitts was in his 2nd year now): Well, well, well, Rated Eks, it seems you've got Kyle Pitts in his sophomore year. My mistake! But let's be honest, even with a year under his belt, Pitts is still trying to find his footing in the NFL. So, let's rephrase that:

Kyle Pitts at TE? Sure, he's got a year of experience now, but he's still a tight end playing for the Falcons, which is like being a lifeguard at a desert oasis - there might be some action, but don't expect a lot of saves.

In any case, Rated Eks, whether it's year one or year two for Pitts, your fantasy team still has its work cut out for it. May the football gods bless your Rated Eks with touchdowns and victories, and may Kyle Pitts finally live up to the hype!

Ben: Oh, you're talking about Pinche Bendejo? More like "Pinche Bench-warming Bendejo!" I mean, seriously, that lineup looks like it was drafted by a blindfolded squirrel with a gambling problem.

Geno Smith as your starting QB? Is this a time machine back to 2014? I bet you've been holding onto his rookie card, hoping it would appreciate in value. Well, good luck with that, because your fantasy team sure won't appreciate Geno's performance.

Travis Etienne and Kenneth Walker as your RBs? Are you trying to set a record for the lowest combined rushing yards in fantasy football history? These guys have the rushing ability of a snail with a sprained ankle.

Stefon Diggs and Tyreek Hill as your WRs? You must've traded away your entire draft for these two, and you're still gonna lose because they can't throw the ball to themselves! You better hope they don't have an off week, or you're done for.

And Greg Dulcich at TE? Yeah, good luck with that. I hope you enjoy watching him rack up a whopping two fantasy points per game while the rest of your team struggles to keep up.

Honestly, Pinche Bendejo, you might want to change your team name to "Fantasy Football Fiasco" because that's exactly what you've got going on here. But hey, it's all in good fun, right? At least you'll have a front-row seat to your own fantasy football comedy show this season.

Jeff: Well, well, well, if it isn't the Bearded Clams! I see you've assembled a team that's more disappointing than the series finale of Game of Thrones. Josh Allen, Dameon Pierce, and D'Andre Swift? Sounds like a recipe for mediocrity. You've got more question marks on your team than a pop quiz in a dyslexia support group.

Jaylen Waddle, CeeDee Lamb, and Jerry Jeudy? Congratulations, you've managed to draft the wide receiver version of the three stooges. I hope they can catch passes better than they can tell jokes because your team's success depends on it.

And let's not forget George Kittle. With his injury history, you might as well have drafted Mr. Glass from the movie Unbreakable. Good luck keeping him on the field long enough to make any sort of impact.

JuJu Smith-Schuster? More like JuJu "I Can't Decide If I Want to Dance on TikTok or Catch Passes" Smith-Schuster. Your team would have been better off drafting someone with a bit more commitment to the game.

But hey, who needs a solid fantasy football team when you can have a team name like the Bearded Clams? Maybe you'll win the award for the most creatively named team, but I wouldn't bet on winning your league with this bunch.

Zach(I might've told ChatGPT to include roasts of Rodgers and Cupp as well): Well, well, well, if it isn't Frank's Spank Bank, the team that's more of a flaccid disappointment than Aaron Rodgers in a Jeopardy! audition. I mean, seriously, Aaron, you should stick to football because your hosting skills are about as sharp as Frank's fantasy football strategy.

Speaking of strategy, let's talk about Frank's lineup. Anthony Richardson as the starting QB? Really? That's like using a tricycle in a Formula 1 race. I hope you enjoy watching your fantasy points get sacked more times than Aaron Rodgers at a family reunion.

And the running backs, Joe Mixon and Rhamondre Stevenson? More like Joe "Mixin' it up" and Rhamondre "Sit-on-the-bench" Stevenson. These guys are about as reliable as Aaron Rodgers' commitment to the Packers.

Now, onto the wide receivers, DeAndre Hopkins and Tee Higgins. It's great that you managed to snag two solid receivers, but too bad they can't carry your team as well as Devonta Adams and Randall Cobb used to carry Aaron Rodgers. Oh, wait, they can't because Rodgers is sulking on the bench somewhere.

And finally, Dalton Schultz at tight end? Come on, Frank, you might as well have drafted a garden gnome for your starting lineup. At least the gnome would be more dynamic than Cooper Kupp sitting out with an injury.

In the end, Frank's Spank Bank is about as effective as trying to motivate Aaron Rodgers with a participation trophy. Good luck this season, Frank, you're gonna need it.

Dan: Well, well, well, if it isn't the JJ & JJ Partners in Yards fantasy football team. I see you're putting your trust in a couple of JJs and hoping for some miracle yards. Let's break down this lineup, shall we?

Deshaun Watson, huh? I guess you're banking on him making some "fantasy" magic happen off the field too. I hope your team has a good lawyer because you're gonna need one. Watson's more likely to be throwing legal documents than touchdown passes this season.

Josh Jacobs is your lead RB? I've seen more consistent ground games in a sandbox. It's like relying on a butter knife to cut through a steak. Jacobs might get you a touchdown or two, but don't expect him to carry your team.

Jahmyr Gibbs, huh? I guess you're banking on the "rookie surprise" factor. Well, good luck with that. Rookies are about as reliable as a screen door on a submarine. He might dazzle one week and fizzle the next.

Justin Jefferson is a solid pick, I'll give you that. But he's the only glimmer of hope on this roster. You better hope he can put up numbers that can cover for the rest of this motley crew.

Garrett Wilson? You're really doubling down on unproven rookies, aren't you? It's like you're trying to build a team with the least amount of experience possible. Wilson might be good in a few years, but for now, he's just taking up space.

TJ Hockenson at tight end? Well, at least you've got someone who can catch passes. But with the rest of this lineup, he's going to have to do a lot of heavy lifting. Don't be surprised if he's the only one pulling his weight.

In summary, JJ & JJ Partners in Yards, your fantasy team might as well be a partnership in fantasyland. You've got more question marks than a riddle book, and I wouldn't bet my fantasy season on this lineup. But hey, maybe you'll surprise us all and actually compete. Or maybe you'll change your team name to JJ & JJ Partners in Regret by midseason. Good luck, you're gonna need it.

George(I informed ChatGPT that his team name was Alaskan Malmute related): Oh, look who we've got here, the Team Powderhoundmals! What's that, some kind of Alaskan Malamute fan club? Well, I hope those malamutes are better at fantasy football than this lineup, because this is a disaster waiting to happen.

Starting with Trevor Lawrence at QB? Might as well call him Trevor "Losing-rence" because that's what he'll be doing most of the season with that Jaguars offense. And who's his RB1? Derrick Henry? Yeah, great choice if we were playing fantasy in 2020, but I've got some bad news for you, buddy – he's not the same Derrick Henry anymore.

And speaking of running backs, JK Dobbins? More like JK, this team's never going to win a championship. He's in a crowded Ravens backfield, and it's going to be a rollercoaster of mediocrity all season.

Calvin Ridley and Davonta Smith as your star wideouts? You better hope Ridley can put up Julio Jones numbers without Julio Jones, and Smith better be a rookie sensation because that's a thin receiving corps.

Now, Dawson Knox at tight end? Are you sure you didn't mean Dawson "No Catches" Knox? Because that's what you'll be saying after he racks up a whopping zero points for you most weeks.

But hey, at least your team name is original, right? Team Powderhoundmals – because after a few weeks of watching this lineup, you'll be wishing you were out in the snow with a pack of malamutes instead of watching this fantasy trainwreck unfold. Better luck next year, pal!

Sam(Again...outdated info): Oh, look who we've got here, the Trash Pandas. You know, that name is surprisingly fitting for a fantasy football team with a lineup like this. Let's break it down, shall we?

Starting with Jalen Hurts at quarterback. I mean, sure, he can run, but his accuracy is about as consistent as a raccoon's dumpster-diving skills. You'll either get a shiny treasure or a bag of trash with him. It's like trying to predict whether he'll be a QB1 or a QB-bye week fill-in.

Now, Bijan Robinson and Zach Charbonnet at running back. These guys sound like they should be selling artisanal coffee at a hipster café, not carrying your fantasy team. Bijan might have potential, but relying on a Texas running back is about as stable as betting on the weather in Texas. As for Charbonnet, well, he's been lost in the Michigan wilderness for too long, and I doubt he'll find his way to consistent fantasy points.

Moving on to your wide receivers, Keenan Allen and Chris Olave. Keenan Allen is the reliable guy, but he's about as exciting as a dumpster fire. Sure, he'll catch passes, but touchdowns are rarer than a Trash Panda spotting. And Olave? He's like the rookie who makes you say, "Oh, is that the guy I drafted in the later rounds and forgot about?" Don't expect him to set the league on fire.

Lastly, Darren Waller at tight end. Oh, Waller, the bright shining star in this dumpster fire of a lineup. He's like the one piece of treasure you find among all the trash. Unfortunately, you can't build a winning fantasy team with just one good player.

So, congratulations, Trash Pandas. You've assembled a lineup that's as unpredictable as raccoons in your garbage cans. Good luck this season, you're gonna need it!

Randy: Oh, Pack Attack, huh? More like "Packed with Problems." I mean, Lamar Jackson is your QB? Sure, he can run, but I've seen him throw more ducks than a pond in springtime. Your passing game is about as reliable as a chocolate teapot.

And Saquon Barkley? That dude has been injured more times than a clumsy toddler at a knife factory. Good luck with that. Isiah Pacheco? Is he even in the league? I think I saw him selling popcorn in the stands last Sunday.

Amon-Ra St. Brown and Tyler Lockett as your wide receivers? They're like the dynamic duo of mediocrity. It's like you went to the discount bin at the wide receiver store and picked the two guys with the least chance of scoring big.

And Evan Engram at tight end? You might as well have drafted a garden gnome. Engram's hands are so unreliable; he couldn't catch a cold in Antarctica.

Pack Attack, your fantasy team is like a dumpster fire on a sinking ship. Good luck trying to salvage anything from this disaster of a lineup. You'll need it!