One day I'll actually lock down an update schedule for this...it probably won't be til next year when I'm sleeping like a normal human though.
Week 8 is here, gents! We're at the halfway point of the entire season. My gasts are flabbered!
Starting off with last week's double winner bonus. Coming into the week the average score was 119.7. Taking that into account the team that scored closest to that was Bill with 114.6 points, a difference of 5.1 points. We also awarded the team that finished the furthest away. That goes to George with 83.9 points, a difference of -35.8 points. Congrats on the bonuses.
This week we'll get special. The highest combined D/ST + K points takes home the bonus this week.
Now, onto what you're really here for: Non-scientific power ranked fantasy football with comparisons to seemingly random things. You may or may not know that Mario Party Jamboree came out last week. For those of you unaware its the 13th iteration of the Mario Party series and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. Grab your stars and watch out for Boo, its time to play SEWIFFL Party 3: Fantasy Edition.
Mario is the all-around hero, just like this team with a solid record and strong points. They're reliable, consistent, and leading the way, always showing up when it matters most. Bart Was The Best is the clear favorite, channeling Mario’s steady strength and ability to come out on top.
Quick, crafty, and hard to pin down—Trash Pandas is the Yoshi of the league. They’ve found their stride and are racking up points, making them a threat. Like Yoshi’s unpredictable jumps and speed, this team has the tools to leap over their competition with ease when they’re in rhythm.
Pack Attack brings the raw power of Donkey Kong. They’ve fought their way through wins, showing they can swing big and knock out opponents. Like DK, they may lack finesse at times, but when things click, they’re hard to stop and ready to charge through to victory.
With a 6-1 record, Cotch11 is as imposing as Bowser. They’ve crushed most opponents, leaving little room for error. However, much like Bowser, they can be unpredictable—dominant most of the time but prone to a slip-up here and there when they get too confident.
Joe Buck Yourself embodies Wario’s chaotic energy: sometimes brilliant, sometimes messy, but always entertaining. Their high points show potential, but inconsistency holds them back. Just like Wario, they thrive in unpredictability, keeping everyone guessing about their next move.
This team channels Luigi’s dependable nature, always capable but often overlooked. They’ve pulled off some solid wins and have shown that when they hit their stride, they can be formidable. Adam Driver's Adlib just needs one big break to finally step out of the shadows and shine.
Frank’s Spank Bank is scrappy and persistent, like Toad, always hanging around even when the odds are against them. Toad isn’t flashy, but he’s reliable—and just like this team, they keep fighting through setbacks, staying in contention with sheer determination.
The Bearded Clams channel the competitive energy of Daisy—fierce, determined, and unafraid of big moments. Their roster has the talent, but they’ve had to fight through challenges. Like Daisy, they’re not always the flashiest, but when the stars align, they can steal the show.
This team feels like Shy Guy: quiet and unassuming but capable of surprising moments. They’ve struggled this season, but with a few adjustments, they could make things interesting. Shy Guy may not always stand out, but when given the chance, he can play a sneaky, effective game.
Dak Picks resembles Koopa Troopa—always trying, but often overshadowed by more dominant opponents. They’ve had flashes of success but are still searching for consistency. Koopa Troopa may not win often, but every now and then, he makes a strong showing, and this team is hoping for just that.
Rated Eks floats through the season like Boo—sometimes invisible, sometimes terrifying. They have the potential to sneak up and scare their competition with a big win or two. However, inconsistency keeps them from being a top contender, just like Boo’s hit-or-miss appearances.
Powderhoundmals embodies the resilience of Dry Bones. Even after setbacks, they keep getting back up and staying in the game. It’s been a rough season, but they refuse to give up, hoping to surprise everyone before it’s all over.
There you have it. A tiny bit about football, a lot about pointless stuff. The way fantasy football should be. Enjoy the rest of week 8!