Week 3

Alright gentlemen, welcome to week 3! I wish I could say this week was without controversy, I landed from my flight yesterday to TradeGate 2024. A seemingly bananas trade was showing up as accepted. Zach giving up Caleb Williams and the Browns defense and receiving Drake London and Christian McCaffrey. I was about to call Chris to ask him to say "the early bird catches the worm" when he responded to my inquiry stating that the trade was a meme gone awry. A classic case of fast flinging fat fingers. From what my sources are saying, Zach is standing on claims that this is all fake news from the mainstream media. That's all to say that this potential gamebreaker was reversed, CMC is back in the Rated Eks(interesting team name at this point, I might add) rehab room while Caleb Williams is back at the on campus nail salon at Camp Frank.

Bonus Talk

As you can see, Bill and Randy were the class of the receiving competition last week. Both duos were head and shoulders above the competition, with Bill edging out Randy by a grand total of 9 yards. Congrats Bill!

This week's bonus let's try a new one. A new negative at that. The team with the most fumbles will get rewarded for their slippery fingers. Tiebreaker will be the team with the lowest fantasy points...we're awarding negativity, after all. Good luck(?)

So I did a little traveling last weekend. Boston is cool, but pretty damn pricey. On my way back I decided to take advantage of American Airline's in flight entertainment to watch a movie...what'd I go with, you may ask...Shawshank Redemption. Its been so long since I've watched that one and damn...what a film. Honest to goodness 10/10. How does that relate with fantasy football, you may also ask, welp, let me tell ya. I went through each team's current roster and pick out the worst legal trouble a player on that team has gotten into. Grab your rock hammers, gents, its time for a trip to SEWIFFLShank Penitentiary!

Jeff, Alvin Kamara

In July 2023, Alvin Kamara pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of breach of peace stemming from a February 2022 incident in Las Vegas. He was ordered to complete 30 hours of community service and pay over $100,000 in restitution to the victim for medical expenses. Kamara was initially charged with conspiracy to commit battery and substantial bodily harm. The NFL may still take disciplinary action under its personal conduct policy. The civil lawsuit related to the incident has been settled confidentially. https://www.nfl.com/news/saints-rb-alvin-kamara-pleads-no-contest-to-lesser-misdemeanor-charge-from-feb-2

Andy, N/A

Another team that doesn't seem to have been to the clink...but let us not forget Calvin Ridley getting suspended for the entire 2022 season for gambling on NFL games while away from his team for mental health reasons. Cost himself a couple million over $1500 in bets. Not criminal, but an expensive mistake. In his own words: https://www.theplayerstribune.com/posts/calvin-ridley-nfl-football-jacksonville-jaguars

Sam, N/A

Another team full of squares...although I forgot that Tank Dell was the victim of a shooting earlier this year: In May 2024, Houston Texans wide receiver Nathaniel "Tank" Dell was injured in a shooting. A 17-year-old suspect was arrested and charged in connection with the incident. Dell sustained non-life-threatening injuries and was recovering. The shooting occurred during an altercation in which Dell was an unintended victim. Police have been investigating the circumstances surrounding the incident. Dell and his family expressed gratitude for the support they've received during his recovery.

https://www.cnn.com/2024/05/14/us/tank-dell-shooting-injury-teen-charged/index.html

Randy, N/A

Randy's team is squeeky clean...but let's not ignore the fact that Randy's star player's father very well could have killed someone: "In 2008, Harrison was implicated in a shooting in Philadelphia after an altercation with a man named Dwight Dixon. Although Dixon later identified Harrison as the shooter, Harrison was never formally charged due to insufficient evidence. The incident remains a controversial part of Harrison's otherwise quiet public persona." https://www.gq.com/story/marvin-harrison

Bill, Rashee Rice

Bill is the leader in the clubhouse for players involved with the courts. Justin Jefferson is involved in a very messy paternity case, Brian Robinson was the victim in a shooting that led to possibly the coldest entrance in NFL history(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKOb2IicwT4&ab_channel=EddieHoeweleryt) Jameson Williams was in hot water with the NFL for gambling but the one who will find himself most legally liable for his actions will be Rashee Rice who crashed his Lamborghini Urus after going 119mph and hitting 6 other vehicles. He's up for criminal and civil trials: https://www.usatoday.com/story/sports/nfl/chiefs/2024/09/05/rashee-rice-kansas-city-chiefs/75072625007/

Dan, N/A

I couldn't find any dirt on my players. Like...annoyingly zero negative stories. So we'll go with a story about an incredibly strong, resilient woman, Sabrina Greelee, mother of DeAndre Hopkins: DeAndre Hopkins' mother, Sabrina Greenlee, was the victim of a brutal attack in 2002 when a woman threw acid on her face during an altercation. The attack left her permanently blind in one eye and severely damaged her vision in the other. Despite this tragedy, Greenlee has become an inspirational figure, advocating for survivors of domestic violence and using her story to inspire others. Her resilience has played a significant role in Hopkins' life and career. https://www.espn.com/espn/feature/story/_/id/27793196/the-incredible-survival-story-deandre-hopkins-mom

James, Christian Kirk

This is another pretty boring team. Honorable mention goes to Davante Adams who is currently in a civil jury trial for when he shoved that photographer down after the Raiders lost in Arrowhead. But the criminal winner goes to Christian Kirk...and this one is pretty boring. Christian Kirk got drunk at the Waste Management Open in 2018 and decided to throw rocks at parked cars as he and his buddies were leaving...charges were evetually dropped. Meh. https://www.azcentral.com/story/sports/nfl/cardinals/2018/05/14/arizona-cardinals-christian-kirk-arrested-charged-disorderly-conduct-phoenix-open/609474002/

Ryan, Joe Mixon

Joe Mixon may be seeing continued success in a new home, but man he was..(is?) a grade A douche: He was involved in a high-profile incident in 2014, where he punched a woman during an altercation at a restaurant, resulting in a broken jaw. Mixon was charged with a misdemeanor, received a one-year deferred sentence, community service, and counseling. He also settled a civil lawsuit with the victim. Since then, Mixon has worked to rehabilitate his image and continues his NFL career. https://www.espn.com/college-football/story/_/id/18340581/oklahoma-sooners-rb-joe-mixon-apologizes-punching-woman-2014
Fun fact: Joe Mixon also pulled a gun in a road rage last year: https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38208743/bengals-joe-mixon-found-not-guilty-aggravated-menacing

Zach, Jordan Addison

This one was pretty easy. Addison passed out drunk in traffic a week after his teammate was killed by a drunk driver.

Idiot.

https://www.fox9.com/sports/vikings-wr-jordan-addison-charged-misdemeanor-dui-july-12-arrest

George, Chris Olave

Another team, another idiot who drives like an asshat. All things considered though, this is pretty tame. Olave was booked and released for doing 70 in a 35. https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/38730427/saints-wr-chris-olave-arrested-suspicion-reckless-driving

Chris, N/A

I couldn't even find a child support case on this team. Which leads me to believe they're all serial killers. The closest I could find to any sort of potential legal trouble is when people got up in arms over the lack of reaction from Matthew Stafford when that person fell off the stage in front of him...what a boring team. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhiQSOI2BO0&ab_channel=ABC7

Ben, Tyreek Hill & Deshaun Watson

Goddamn what an ending to this. Hand to Lombardi I did not plan this to end with a banger. Ben has a duo of douche that would make The Situation and Snooki blush.

Tyreek Hill: In 2014, he pleaded guilty to domestic assault and battery by strangulation but completed a diversion program, and the case was dismissed. In 2019, he was investigated for child abuse but not charged. https://www.sportingnews.com/us/nfl/news/tyreek-hill-domestic-violence-child-abuse-investigation/neqfn40200lt16ik2142ay772

Deshaun Watson: He faced multiple lawsuits and allegations of sexual misconduct by massage therapists, resulting in a suspension by the NFL. Many of the cases were settled out of court. https://www.si.com/nfl/browns/news/grading-cleveland-browns-qb-deshaun-watson-week-2-performance-vs-jaguars

What does this all mean in terms of fantasy football? Absolutely nothing. I honestly forgot halfway through doing this why I was doing this. There's a chance I missed a shitbag or two, but ChatGPT did a lot of the searching for me. What does this mean in terms of the NFL? That you can pretty much get away with murder if you're supremely talented. That's been proven over and over, read: Marvin Harrison and Ray Lewis.

That's a long winded way of saying that you really just wasted 10-15 minutes of your life reading this, but I hope you enjoyed it or at very least learned a thing or two. Good luck this week, everyone!

Page updated

Google Sites

Report abuse