Welcome to Week 11 of Season X! The weather is dreary, the holidays are right around the corner and we're in the middle of the playoff push!
Let's jump right into what everyone plays for...the weekly bonus. Last week's bonus we were looking for the PPR team of the week and giving his ridiculous game you might have guessed that whomever had Ja'Marr Chase was going to win this bonus...and you were exactly right. Andy's team had 40 total receptions and ran away from the field, beating the next closest competitor, Ben, by 5 catches. Congrats Andy!
For this week's bonus let's mix it up with a new one: Eternal Enemies. Bird and Jordan, Clements and Piazza, Tyson and Holyfield and now...Fantasy Quarterbacks and Fantasy Defenses. The team with the highest combined QB and D/ST Score will take home the money this week. Tiebreaker is high team score. Good luck!
I was kind of at a loss as what to have ChatGPT get into this week. So naturally I asked it what we should do. It kicked out a whole lot of ideas and one stood out. Every man, at one point or another in his life, dreamed of being a professional wrestler. There was nothing cooler than HBK or Stone Cold Steve Austin winning a title in front of a sold out crowd. So what I did is have my robot worker create wrasslin' personas for each team and pit them against one another in a tournament. Grab your steel chairs and your NWO T-Shirt, its time to take a trip to SEWIFFLmania, brother!
1. Trash Pandas – The Trash Panda Terminator
Entrance Music: “Welcome to the Jungle” by Guns N’ Roses
Signature Move: The Dumpster Dive – a high-flying body slam from the top rope.
Finisher: The Pandamonium Slam – a bone-crushing powerbomb that leaves opponents reeling.
Description: This scrappy, gritty fighter doesn’t just survive; they dominate. With an unstoppable will and raw power, the Trash Panda Terminator is a feared opponent who rises from any setback, stronger and fiercer.
2. Joe Buck Yourself – The Buck Wild Bruiser
Entrance Music: “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC
Signature Move: The Buckshot Blitz – a rapid-fire series of strikes that overwhelm.
Finisher: The Joe Blow – a devastating uppercut followed by a ground slam.
Description: A fearless, hard-hitting wrestler who thrives in big moments. Known for their resilience and intensity, they’re here to make an impact and won’t stop until they claim the title.
3. Pack Attack – The Iron Wolf
Entrance Music: “Eye of the Tiger” by Survivor
Signature Move: The Wolf Pack Pounce – a swift and fierce takedown with a howling battle cry.
Finisher: The Full Moon Slam – a spinning powerbomb under the arena lights.
Description: The Iron Wolf is as relentless as they come, stalking opponents and waiting for the perfect moment to strike. Focused, fierce, and disciplined, they fight with the intensity of a pack leader.
4. Cotch11 – The Cataclysm
Entrance Music: “For Whom the Bell Tolls” by Metallica
Signature Move: The Chaos Crush – an explosive, unpredictable series of strikes.
Finisher: The Final Judgment – a slam that leaves opponents knocked out cold.
Description: Known for their powerful and chaotic style, The Cataclysm unleashes havoc in the ring. They bring an intense, unpredictable energy that leaves everyone wondering what move they'll throw next.
5. Bart Was The Best – The Phoenix
Entrance Music: “Highway to Hell” by AC/DC
Signature Move: The Rising Flame – a comeback move where they seem down but suddenly turn the tables.
Finisher: The Ashes-to-Glory Slam – a spinning suplex that signifies their resilience.
Description: The Phoenix is known for rising from setbacks and coming back stronger. They’ve seen highs and lows but always come back swinging, determined to prove they’re still at the top.
6. The Bearded Clams – The Kraken
Entrance Music: “Enter Sandman” by Metallica
Signature Move: The Tentacle Twist – a submission move that tightens with each second.
Finisher: The Deep Sea Dive – a top-rope slam that crashes down on opponents like a tidal wave.
Description: The Kraken is a force of nature, lurking beneath the surface until it’s time to strike. Once they’ve got a grip on an opponent, there’s no escape. Unpredictable and powerful, they’re a fan favorite for their explosive style.
7. Adam Driver’s Adlib – The Enigma
Entrance Music: “Baba O’Riley” by The Who
Signature Move: The Unscripted Slam – an unexpected move that keeps opponents guessing.
Finisher: The Improv Drop – a creative, last-second finisher that leaves the crowd in awe.
Description: Known for unpredictability and finesse, The Enigma keeps fans and opponents guessing. Even with setbacks, they adapt and keep the match interesting, always one move away from victory.
8. Pinche Bendejo – The Raging Bull
Entrance Music: “La Grange” by ZZ Top
Signature Move: The Bull Rush – a powerful charge that barrels over anything in its path.
Finisher: The Fiesta Finish – a celebration move where they take down the opponent with flair.
Description: A high-energy, hard-hitting wrestler who’s a little rough around the edges but always brings the party. The Raging Bull isn’t here to play nice – they’re here to leave a mark.
9. Rated Eks – The Wild Card
Entrance Music: “Smells Like Teen Spirit” by Nirvana
Signature Move: The Gamble Grab – a daring and risky high-flying move.
Finisher: The Jackpot Drop – an all-or-nothing slam that either wins big or flops.
Description: The Wild Card thrives on unpredictability, taking high-stakes risks that keep everyone on the edge of their seats. Sometimes they strike gold, other times they crash – but they’re never boring.
10. Frank’s Spank Bank – The Party Animal
Entrance Music: “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO
Signature Move: The Keg Stand Crush – a mid-air dive that brings the house down.
Finisher: The Hangover Hammer – a dizzying slam that leaves opponents seeing stars.
Description: The Party Animal is all about chaos, fun, and shaking things up. A crowd-pleaser with unpredictable moves, they may not be the most disciplined, but they know how to make a match unforgettable.
11. Powderhoundmals – The Lone Wolf
Entrance Music: “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Signature Move: The Howling Strike – a desperate last stand that can catch opponents off guard.
Finisher: The Survival Slam – a defiant slam, fighting against all odds.
Description: The Lone Wolf is an underdog, a fighter who’s always on the outside but keeps pushing. They may not have the odds, but their determination and heart make them a tough opponent to count out.
12. Dak Picks – The Comeback Kid
Entrance Music: “Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey
Signature Move: The Never-Say-Die Dive – a desperate lunge that refuses to let the match end.
Finisher: The Redemption Drop – a comeback slam that surprises everyone.
Description: The Comeback Kid never gives up, even when they’re down. With a bit of luck and a whole lot of heart, they’re always a potential upset, ready to prove they still belong in the game.
1) The Trash Panda Terminator vs. The Kraken
Winner: The Trash Panda Terminator
The crowd held its breath as The Trash Panda Terminator faced down The Kraken, an unpredictable powerhouse known for their crushing strength. The Kraken took control early, catching Jalen Hurts off guard with a brutal Tentacle Twist. But Hurts rallied, showing his resilience and quickly tagging in Bijan "The Bulldozer" Robinson, who slammed The Kraken with a fierce shoulder tackle. With The Kraken staggered, Robinson delivered a stunning Pandamonium Slam, securing the win as the crowd roared.
2) The Buck Wild Bruiser vs. The Raging Bull
Winner: The Raging Bull
In one of the night’s biggest upsets, The Raging Bull charged into the ring with unmatched intensity, determined to prove they belonged. The Buck Wild Bruiser, led by Joe Burrow, tried to keep things under control with a quick Buckshot Blitz, but The Raging Bull countered with a series of powerful moves, showing off their raw strength. After a back-and-forth struggle, The Raging Bull landed their Fiesta Finish, catching Burrow off guard and sealing the victory in a wild fashion.
3) The Iron Wolf vs. The Lone Wolf
Winner: The Iron Wolf
The Iron Wolf and The Lone Wolf squared off in a fierce “alpha vs. alpha” showdown, each refusing to back down. The Lone Wolf put up a strong fight, surprising The Iron Wolf with a few well-timed counters. However, The Iron Wolf’s experience and resilience shone through. After evading a desperate lunge from The Lone Wolf, The Iron Wolf unleashed their signature Full Moon Slam, bringing the match to a decisive end and cementing their spot in the next round.
4) The Cataclysm vs. The Party Animal
Winner: The Party Animal
True to their chaotic style, The Cataclysm started strong, throwing The Party Animal around the ring with a flurry of attacks that left the crowd gasping. But The Party Animal was here for fun and wasn’t about to go down easily. Just when The Cataclysm thought they had the match won, The Party Animal turned the tide with a surprise counter, followed by the Hangover Hammer. In a shocker, The Party Animal took the win, leaving The Cataclysm visibly stunned.
5) The Phoenix vs. The Comeback Kid
Winner: The Phoenix
This match was a true battle of resilience, with both wrestlers known for their ability to fight back from the brink. The Comeback Kid nearly pulled off a victory with a last-second reversal, but The Phoenix, determined to prove their strength, rallied hard. In a decisive moment, The Phoenix hit their Ashes-to-Glory Slam, sending The Comeback Kid to the mat and rising victorious as the crowd erupted in cheers.
6) The Enigma vs. The Wild Card
Winner: The Wild Card
In a match that kept the audience guessing, The Enigma and The Wild Card traded unpredictable moves and daring tactics. The Enigma was able to keep The Wild Card on edge with a series of calculated counters, but The Wild Card was determined to push through. In a risky, high-flying move, The Wild Card executed the Jackpot Drop, taking down The Enigma in an impressive finish and securing their spot in the next round.
1) The Trash Panda Terminator vs. The Phoenix
Winner: The Trash Panda Terminator – With raw power and relentless energy, they took down The Phoenix with the Pandamonium Slam, extinguishing their fiery comeback and advancing to the semifinals.
2) The Raging Bull vs. The Party Animal
Winner: The Raging Bull – In a match that felt more like a wild party than a wrestling showdown, The Raging Bull’s raw strength prevailed. They countered The Party Animal’s Hangover Hammer and sealed the victory with a brutal Fiesta Finish.
3) The Iron Wolf vs. The Wild Card
Winner: The Iron Wolf – In a fierce, close match, The Iron Wolf’s experience proved crucial. After narrowly avoiding The Wild Card’s Jackpot Drop, they executed a powerful Full Moon Slam to end the bout and secure their place in the semifinals.
The arena was electric as these three titans clashed, each determined to be the last one standing. Early in the match, alliances formed and dissolved, with The Trash Panda Terminator and The Iron Wolf briefly teaming up to weaken The Raging Bull. But no one stayed down for long. The Iron Wolf took control with a powerful Full Moon Slam on The Raging Bull, sending shockwaves through the crowd. Just as The Iron Wolf looked ready to seal the match, The Trash Panda Terminator leapt back into action, executing a brutal Pandamonium Slam on The Iron Wolf.
As the fight raged on, each wrestler pulled out all the stops. The Raging Bull charged across the ring, hitting both opponents with his signature Bull Rush, nearly taking the victory then and there. But The Iron Wolf countered, catching The Raging Bull with a surprise chokehold, only to be interrupted by The Trash Panda Terminator flying off the ropes with a fearless dive, flattening them both. It was a back-and-forth battle, each wrestler refusing to go down, with the crowd roaring in anticipation of every hit and reversal.
In the final moments, as it looked like The Raging Bull might sneak a win, The Trash Panda Terminator found one last surge of strength. With a perfectly timed finisher, they took down both opponents, leaving the crowd in awe. The Trash Panda Terminator emerged as the undisputed champion, claiming victory and cementing their legacy as the ultimate wrestling powerhouse in the league!
Well there you have it. Some might argue that this is more important the real Superb Owl trophy. I'll leave that up to the reader to decide. Will this be an accurage prediction to the league title? That remains to be seen. What I do know is that was another rather interesting use of time and technology in the name of average entertainment. Good luck this week!