Week 13

We're on to week 13! I wish I liked fantasy sports for other sports, because I genuinely enjoy doing this each year. Let me among the first to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. To anyone stuck working over the holiday, I appreciate you. To anyone traveling for the holiday, keep it between the ditches and drive safe! Enough sappiness though, grab your drunk uncle, spoon out an extra serving of gravy and be sure to stuff your turkey, its time for the Write Up!

The Bearded Clams(13-11) 132.66 - Joe Buck Yourself(18-6) 108.62

Let's call this one what it is...a big upset. The Clams got some huge games from Christian McCaffrey(23.7), Emmanuel Wilson(25.5 in a great pick up and play move), and DJ Moore(20.9) which was enough to cover for some bad performances from Kyle Pitts, Mark Andrews and Alvin Kamara leaving early with a knee. Joe Buck Yourself couldn't overcome two superstars with minimal points: Josh Allen with 8.12 points against a very tough Houston Defense and Ja'Marr Chase who was rightfully suspended for spitting on an opponent last week. Overall all of Joe Buck Yourself's players had good NFL games, the "worst" being Tyler Warren with 5 for 45 which the Colts would happily take as a baseline every week.

Bart Was The Best(16-8) 141.92 - Pinche Bendejo(10-14) 111.26

Maybe I'm early to the party, or maybe I'm just blinded by the numbers, but I'm taking a stand that Jaxon Smith-Njigba deserves to be considered a tier 1 WR with the likes of Chase, Lamb, Jefferson and Nakua. Forced to choose I'd take those 4 over him, but I'd have to do a lot of thinking about JSN over Jettas until there's a real QB in Minnesota. You're not here for my WR opinions though. JSN was great in this matchup, Matthew Stafford is playing like an MVP and the Browns defense is gross. Pinche Bendejo got a massive game out of Jalen Hurts, Rico was shut down by the 49ers defense, but the real let down was the WR duo of Romeo Doubs and Xavier Legette. Both are constant headaches for fantasy managers.

The Salty Spitoon(15-9) 139.48 - Peeping Thomas(8-16) 107.96

Anthony Bourdain once said “An ounce of sauce covers a multitude of sins.” This week Jahmyr Gibbs was sauce and almost the entirety of the rest of the Salty Spitoon was the multitude of sins. Gibbs went off: 15 carries for 219 yards and 2 TDs. That alone is almost 33 points. He ALSO had 11 catches for 45 yards and 1 TD. An immense game from the Lions superstar. We'll sprinkle a bit of credit towards Jacoby Brissett as well, who threw for over 300 yards and seems to be securing the starting QB job in Arizona for 2026. Peeping Thomas got a big game from Derrick Henry but Tee Higgins having to leave early from his game really killed what could have been a big performance for the Bengals WR.

Muddy Bananas(12-12) 108.28 - Trash Pandas(12-12) 89.84

This game was huge for the low end of the playoff picture. Both teams came in around .500 and left at .500. The Bananas managed to overcome another historically awful performance from Nine, scoring just 0.48 points. Ashton Jeanty managed to scrape together 20 points against a great Cleveland defense, Davante Adams and Hunter Henry both had 20 point games and that was enough to overcome a stinker from the Vikings. The Pandas were ok but overal unremarkable across the whole lineup. The only big game came from Travis Etienne, who had nearly 20 points. Everyone else was pedestrian, including Kyren Williams who was limited because of game script.

Big Nix Energy(12-12) 139.78 - Powderhoundmals(14-10) 116.36

Big Nix Energy came through clutch when they needed it most in a must win game. They picked up 2 crucial wins to keep playoff hopes alive, despite an injury riddled team. Quinshon Judkins salvaged his day with 2 TDs, Kareem Hunt had 30 carries which translated to 18 points but the real star was Wan'Dale Robinson who has become Jameis Winston's favorite target: 9 for 156 and 1. The Hounds got a win against the median but Jonathan Taylor had his 2nd quiet game in 3 weeks. George Pickens was the star, he's playing himself into a massive contract after this season(or...a franchise tag, which would be drama I'd love to see.) Pickens had 9 catches on 9 targets for 146 and 1.

Pack Attack(11-13) 133.02 - Cotch11(3-21) 92.14

The nightmare season continues for Cotch11. Saquon continues to confused the football world and Chuba Hubbard is stuck in a backup role despite a huge contract. Baker Mayfield picked up an injury and his team got crushed. The sole star was AJ Brown who had 8 for 110 and a TD. Pack Attack kept their playoff hopes alive despite Lamar Jackson's continued middling, injury plagued, season. James Cook, Rashee Rice, and Amon-Ra St. Brown all had 20+ point games. Trey McBride was a TD short of a fantastic game, finishing with 9 catches on 10 targets for 79 yards.

Bonus and POTW

This bonus was one you don't want to win, and appropriately enough our last place team took home the $5. For getting blown out by 41 points Cotch takes home this week's bonus. Congrats?

Next week let's keep it with the team based bonuses, the winner of next week's bonus will be the team that wins by the narrowest of margins. In the unlikely event of a tie it'll go to the most fantasy points.

This week's SEWIFFL Player of the Week was a pretty simple decision to make. Salty Spitoon RB Jahmyr Gibbs far and away had the best fantasy week and his statline was critical for securing the win for the Spitoon.

Superb Owl Playoff Picture

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If the season ended today, these teams are in:

Joe Buck Yourself (18–6)
Lock. Already clinched a playoff spot and in prime position for a bye.
Bart Was The Best (16–8)
Clinched. Bye is in play but not guaranteed.
The Salty Spitoon (15–9)
Not clinched. A 0–4 finish combined with heaters from below could drop them into danger.
Powderhoundmals (14–10)
Great position, but not untouchable. One more strong week likely secures it.
The Bearded Clams (13–11)
Currently safely inside, but not immune to pressure from below.
Trash Pandas (12–12)
Holding the final spot — officially on the bubble but still “in.”

In the Hunt:

Muddy Bananas (12–12)
Tied with Trash Pandas. Essentially a coin-flip depending on upcoming results and tiebreakers.

Big Nix Energy (12–12)
Also tied at 12 wins. Very much alive, but needs a good closing stretch.

Pack Attack (11–13)
Needs at least 3–1 over final weeks and help elsewhere.

Pinche Bendejo (10–14)
Needs perfection and chaos above, but mathematically alive. technically in it, but requires a hot streak plus stumbles above.

Team Chaos:

Peeping Thomas (8–16)
Not mathematically eliminated, but would need near-perfection and chaos elsewhere. Very long shot.

Cotch11 (3–21)
✅ Mathematically eliminated
Now officially in spoiler mode.

SEWIFFL Friendsgiving

(You knew this was coming this week)
SEWIFFL FRIENDSGIVING

A folding-table feast. A league of chaos. One extremely overcooked turkey.

The annual SEWIFFL Friendsgiving has arrived, and somehow everyone agreed not to argue about waiver moves until at least after dessert. What follows is the spread — a glorious, confusing buffet reflecting the souls of the managers who brought it.

Joe Buck Yourself – The Main Turkey
A perfectly roasted, expertly seasoned bird that somehow arrived already carved and plated. It’s dominant, professional, and mildly intimidating — much like the season Joe has had.

Bart Was The Best – Garlic Mashed Potatoes
Creamy, rich, flawlessly consistent. Everyone keeps going back for more, and someone swears these won a championship once before.

The Salty Spitoon – Cajun Deep-Fried Turkey Wings
Aggressively flavorful and slightly excessive. Delicious, but served with the quiet tension of someone who might spike the gravy if things go wrong later.

Powderhoundmals – Herbed Stuffing with Cranberries
Surprisingly refined, with just enough tartness to make you pay attention. This is clearly a dish someone has practiced for years waiting for this moment.

The Bearded Clams – Mac and Cheese
Comfort food that lives and dies by one secret ingredient. When it’s good, it’s elite. When it isn’t, everyone blames the cheese — or McCaffrey.

Trash Pandas – Smoked Turkey Sliders
A redemption dish. Not flashy, but incredibly satisfying. Everyone remembers when these used to be awful. Now? Back-to-back servings.

Muddy Bananas – Green Bean Casserole
No one asked for it, everyone judged it, and yet… it’s shockingly solid. The name? Unfortunate. The effort? Admirable.

Big Nix Energy – A Charcuterie Board from Three Different Grocery Stores
Clearly assembled in survival mode. Some parts are excellent, others appear to be held together with athletic tape and courage.

Pack Attack – Cornbread That Looked Better on Pinterest
You can tell they meant well. It tastes fine, but every time someone takes a bite they mutter something about Lamar Jackson.

Pinche Bendejo – A Massive Tray of Street Tacos
Bold, unapologetic, and somehow towering over every other dish on the table. No one is entirely sure how they fit it through the door.

Peeping Thomas – Store-Bought Pumpkin Pie
Perfectly acceptable, but clearly not what everyone hoped it would be. Someone asked if it had homemade crust and the room fell quiet.

Cotch11 – A Bottle of Dollar-Store Wine and Paper Plates
Not here to win, but absolutely here to disrupt. The wine is questionable. The vibes are not.

By the end of the meal, no one agreed on who brought the best dish, but everyone agreed on one thing:
this league somehow always delivers chaos — even around a Thanksgiving table.

Someone starts talking playoff scenarios.
Someone spills gravy.
Someone argues about whether the green bean casserole “counts.”

And just like every SEWIFFL season:
it’s a mess, it’s dramatic, and it’s somehow exactly perfect.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy your time with your friends and family. I'm thankful each of you decide to play in this silly league each year. A reminder that there are games Thursday and Friday this week. So get those FAAB bids in, keep pushing for the playoffs or to disrupt the playoffs.

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