Week 14

I know I say it every year, but the season really does fly by. We've made it to the regular season finale. Its going to be freezing this week, but we've all packed on some insulation from Thanksgiving. So grab your turkey carcass, scrape off your car, and don't forget your winter hat, its time for the Write Up.

Trash Pandas(14-12) 137.64 - Joe Buck Yourself(18.8) 99.32

Joe Buck Yourself ran into the classic but frustrating fantasy trap of no players truly having a dud week, but also no players popping off. Josh Allen and the Bengals skill players(Chase and Chase) were decent, all finishing with 14+ points, but just OK scores from everyone else on the team. Puka Nacua was the next highest scorer with 10.2 points and everyone else was in single digits. Trash Pandas was 6-10 after Week 8, since then they've gone 8-2 and are fighting for a playoff spot. Joe Burrow made his return and was in mid-season form, finishing with 20 fantasy points. Bijian Robinson continues to show why he is in discussion for 1.01, this week putting up 27.8 points. The big question is: When do Rome Odunze fantasy managers give up on him? His incredible first 4 weeks haven't been recreated since.

The Salty Spitoon(17-9) 128.84 - Bart Was The Best(16-10) 98.72

Matthew Stafford may be an MVP candidate, but his team didn't perform this weekend. They were upset by the Panthers and Stafford accounted for 3 turnovers. Bucky Irving finally came back from injury to 15 fantasy points. Easily the most shocking performance of this matchup was Jaxon Smith-Njigba having just 2 catches for 23 yards. An ugly game in a dominant win for Seattle. For Salty Spitoon it was led by two 20.3 point performers: D'Andre Swift had 125 yards and Jason Myers had a huge game for the Seahawks; 4/4, including 2 from 50+ yards. The Detroit RB duo were held largely in check by the Packers Thanksgiving defense, just 21.9 points between the two.

Powderhoundmals(15-11) 98.96 - Pack Attack(11-15) 88.24

This time of year what's important is getting the straight up W, obviously the win against the median is important too, but guaranteeing yourself a W is huge and that's exactly what Powderhoundmals did this week. Jordan Love was excellent on Thanksgiving, throwing for 4 TDs. They overcame Aaron Jones getting banged up and a negative total from Zay Flowers. Tack on a tidy 12.7 points from Chris Olave and that was just enough to get it home. Pack Attack's hopes were dashed in a big way early on Turkey Day when Amon-Ra went out injured, finishing with 0 points. Rashee Rice had a huge game, finding the endzone twice and James Cook was good as well, 17.2 points. Lamar Jackson's struggles continued as he turned the ball over three times in a big loss to the Bengals.

Muddy Bananas(14-12) 142.36 - The Bearded Clams(13-13) 90.32

The Bananas had a huge game when it was needed the most. They're in the thick of the playoff hunt and put up a monster week. Davante Adams had another somewhat odd stat line, 4 catches for 58 yards and 2 TDs and Alec Pierce continues to quietly put up great games for Indy. De'Von Achane has been in double digits every week this year, if the Dolphins were better he'd be getting more love across the board. Sam Darnold got beat up even though his team beat up on the Vikings. He was constantly under pressure and his numbers show that. Just 128 yards. The bright spot was Jakobi Meyers, who may be the new favorite target of Trevor Lawrence in Jacksonville.

Big Nix Energy(14-12) 129.14 - Cotch11(3-23) 91.74

Patrick Mahomes was good, 4 TDs, his team was not as they lost to the Cowboys. Quinshon Judkins continues to be a force for the anemic Browns offense and Nico Collins had a really good game that turned to a great game thanks to his rushing TD. Big Nix Energy managed to put up all these points despite Justin Jefferson finishing with just 2 catches for 4 yards. His QB play is AWFUL and its going to have a huge effect on his fantasy rankings if the Vikings don't make a big change. Cotch gave it their all trying to play spoiler, but came up short. Saquon is one of the biggest disappointments in football, fantasy and NFL, this season. He's currently RB 15, but he certainly isn't the force he used to be. A bright spot: AJ Brown had a huge game, 10 for 132 and 2 TDs.

Peeping Thomas(10-16) 122.48 - Pinche Bendejo(11-15) 105.20

Spoiler alert: Peeping Thomas are officially eliminated from the playoffs, but they took Pinche Bendejo down with them. Drake Maye continues to play at an elite level. The Pats have seemingly hit on their next franchise QB. Breece Hall continues to put up numbers in his audition to other teams for next year, finishing with 14.6 points. The real star though was Kimani Vidal, who has made the most of his opportunity this year, this week finishing with 126 yards and a TD for 20.2 points. There wasn't any huge bust performances for Pinche Bendejo this week, Rico Dowdle wasn't a bust but just ok with 8.9 points. Kenneth Gainwell had an ugly game but you're not expecting a huge performance out of any backup RB. RJ Harvey was the bright spot, he had a nose for the endzone finding it twice.

SEWIFFL Playoff Scenarios:

With so many teams still alive things can get messy. I'll do my best to sum things up:

Joe Buck Yourself: Currently #1, 2-0 guarantees the #1 seed. 1-1 or 0-2 can cause some chaos, but even 0-2 should still result in #2 seed at worst, but mathematically BWTB could still catch them on PF.
Salty Spitoon: 1-1 should secure a bye, but mathematically BWTB could still cause chaos with a massive week if they're tied. A tie with Joe Buck Yourself currently leans the way of Salty Spitoon.
BWTB: Not technically clinched, but very close. 1-1 secures things and can still sneak in even at 0-2.
Powderhoundmals: 2-0 secures the playoffs. 1-1 falls right into chaos.
Trash Pandas, Muddy Bananas, Big Nix Energy: 2-0 is a must but even then its not a stamped ticket but its close.
Bearded Clams: Need at least a 1-1 and to get some help from Muddy Bananas.
Pack Attack, Pinche Bendejo, Peeping Thomas, Cotch11: Unfortunately your championship hopes are over for this year. But your season isn't over. Spoiler and fighting for draft control is in your future, keep playing the wire and keep playing to win. Chaos is king.

A reminder: Points For is the tiebreaker for playoffs. I don't think there will be a tiebreaker needed past that, but if so I believe it goes to points against.

Whose Line is it Anyway? SEWIFFL Playoff Edition:

DREW:
“Welcome to SEWIFFL Whose Line Is It Anyway?, the show where everything’s made up, the wins don’t matter, and the median score is actively trying to ruin your life.”

RYAN:
“Like fantasy football, except here the jokes intentionally make sense.”

COLIN:
“Speak for yourself. My playoff model is just a picture of a raccoon yelling at a calculator.”

JOE, SALTY, BART (THE BYE GUYS)

DREW:
“Let’s start with the easy part: Joe Buck Yourself, Salty Spitoon, Bart Was The Best. These three are already in.”

WAYNE:
“But only Joe has the bye fully locked, so he’s basically watching the rest of you fight from a luxury skybox with hot towels and grapes.”

RYAN:
“Salty and Bart are still fighting over the second bye like it’s the last bread roll at dinner.”

COLIN:
“And somehow Colin misses it anyway.”

POWDERHOUNDMALS

DREW:
“Powderhoundmals sitting at 15 wins: win a single game this week and they’re in.”

COLIN:
“And if they go 0–2?”

RYAN:
“They get thrown into the 15-win royal rumble where PF decides your fate.”

WAYNE:
“Points For: Because nothing says ‘happy holidays’ like realizing that Week 3 backup tight end start really mattered.”

THE 14-WIN DEATH TRIANGLE (Trash, Muddy, Big Nix)

DREW:
“Trash Pandas, Muddy Bananas, Big Nix Energy: all tied at 14 wins.”

RYAN:
“Imagine three people clinging to the same pool noodle while the current pulls them toward a waterfall.”

COLIN:
“And the pool noodle is Points For.”

WAYNE:
“And the waterfall is missing playoffs because your kicker got two field goals blocked.”

THE BEARDED CLAMS

DREW:
“Bearded Clams at 13 wins: still alive, barely.”

RYAN:
“They need to win AND get some help.”

COLIN:
“So they’re basically that audience member we drag onto stage who looks terrified but is really hoping we don’t pick them.”

THE ELIMINATED FOUR

DREW:
“And of course, Pack Attack, Pinche Bendejo, Peeping Thomas, and Cotch11—officially eliminated.”

RYAN:
“But still dangerous! They can knock someone else out.”

WAYNE:
“Nothing scarier than a man with nothing to lose and waiver priority.”

CLOSING

DREW:
“So that’s the playoff picture: a little chaos, a little drama, and everything determined by a scoring system no one agrees on."

RYAN:
“Just like Whose Line.”

COLIN:
“And just like my marriage.”

WAYNE:
“Stick around next week, when the playoff bracket gets revealed and the median score gets arrested for tax fraud.”

DREW:
“Goodnight everybody!”

(Hand up, I don't think BWTB is secured yet, since the other teams could all make 16 wins, but details)

Bonus and SEWIFFL Player of the Week

Last week we were looking for the team with the narrowest margin of victory. I always hope this comes down to .3 points or something...it didn't. Congrats to George for the narrow victory of 10.72 points!

This week we'll keep it simple. The highest scoring individual player takes home the last bonus of the year.

The Week 13 SEWIFFL Player of the Week isn't just one player, its a whole side of the football. Big Nix Energy's Seattle Seahawks D/ST knew they were going against a rookie QB making his first start...and they made him pay. They pitched a shutout, secured 5 turnovers and scored a TD. 34 fantasy points to lead all players for the week. Congrats Seattle and Big Nix Energy!

There you have it, lads. Get your last regular season FAAB bids in. Best of luck to everyone as we get through this playoff chaos.

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