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We've made it to the turn! The front 7 is brutal, but the back 7 can be even worse! Golf may be brutal, but fantasy football can be devastating. Grab your 5 iron, ask for a mulligan, and yell "FORE!" its time for the Write Up!
Joe Buck Yourself(10-4) 146.74 - Peeping Thomas(4-10) 89.88
Joe Buck Yourself(10-4) 146.74 - Peeping Thomas(4-10) 89.88
This was a tale of big plays. Joe Buck Yourself's big name players showed up and showed out. Davonta Smith with 28.8 Fantasy Points and Ja'Marr Chase with a 30 burger. Chase was targeted 23 times! Which is what you expected to happen since Joe Burrow went down. Target the arguably best WR in football over and over and over and over. And it worked out for Cincinnati. They upset Pittsburgh 33-31! For Peeping Thomas, Kimani Vidal still seems to be the lead back until Omarion Hampton is back, but his numbers didn't show it. And Breece Hall so desperately needs to get out of New York. For his career and fantasy owners' sanity. George Kittle was also quiet in his return from injury, but that shouldn't last.
Muddy Bananas(8-6) 137.54 - Powderhoundmals(10-4) 127.30
Muddy Bananas(8-6) 137.54 - Powderhoundmals(10-4) 127.30
The Bananas with a statement win this week! They overcame bad performances from Justin Fields and Ashton Jeanty(a combined 7.94 fantasy points.) Davante Adams had one of the strangest big games ever. 5 catches for 35 yards and 3 TDs. All 3 TDs were from 1 yard out. Brandon Aubrey continues to prove his worth as a keeper and Travis Hunter finally had a breakout game, and played minimally on defense. Great news for fantasy managers! On the flip side, the Hounds continue to pick right in their triple QB depth chart. Jonathan Taylor still looks like an MVP, but depth is starting to catch up a bit. Jack Bech and Bhayshul Tuten aren't common starts in fantasy at this point.
Big Nix Energy(10-4) 107.24 - Trash Pandas(5-9) 93.52
Big Nix Energy(10-4) 107.24 - Trash Pandas(5-9) 93.52
Underperforming stars, injuries, and bye week hell spelled disaster for Trash Pandas this week. Danny Dimes should be getting more love as an NFL MVP candidate, but he was one of just a few bright spots for the Pandas this week. 22 points from Jones, along with 18 from Bijian and 23 from New England was all there was to write home about for the defending champs. Big Nix Energy keeps on rolling, much like Fred Durst. Patrick Mahomes is playing great football lately, Quinshon Judkins is a real contender for Rookie of the Year and he covered for another meh game from David Montgomery. Tucker Kraft scored again and is starting to beg the question: "Is Tucker Kraft elite?" Unfortunately Darren Waller went down early with injury, fortunately its not the torn pectoral as was originally suspected.
Bart Was The Best(9-5) 121.34 - Cotch11 102.52
Bart Was The Best(9-5) 121.34 - Cotch11 102.52
BWTB keeps finding ways to win. This week was a story of everybody pulling their weight. Only one real "pop off" game and that was JSN, who had 123 yards on 8 catches with a TD. Zach Charbonnet had a nice 18.5 point performance as well but 2/3rds of those points came from TDs. You'd love to see more yards from Charbs to avoid the TD dependent label. I'm starting to get worried that AJ Brown pulled a Monstar on Saquon. Brown has been really good the last two weeks and Saquon...has not. I'm not sure if its bad O-Line play or if Saquon is nursing unreported injuries, either way the Eagles have a bye week next week. We'll see how things change after that.
The Salty Spitoon(8-6) 177.56 - The Bearded Clams(5-9) 103.12
The Salty Spitoon(8-6) 177.56 - The Bearded Clams(5-9) 103.12
I don't have the stat in front of me, but I heard something to the effect that Bo Nix had 4 fantasy points going into the 4th quarter on Sunday. By the end of the game he had 40 and the Broncos made an improbable comeback to beat the Giants. Jahmyr Gibbs had a 14 point play during his 35 point explosion and D'Andre Swift has become a key part of the Bears offense. This week he had 124 rushing yards for 20 fantasy points. This one was well out of reach by the time Monday Night Football came around, but Christian McCaffrey showed why he's still one of the best in the league. 35 fantasy points, including 2 TDs and 14 points via receiving. Mike Evans comeback from injury was short lived as he picked up a broken collarbone early in the Tampa Bay loss.
Pinche Bendejo(7-7) 124.14 - Pack Attack(6-8) 122.06
Pinche Bendejo(7-7) 124.14 - Pack Attack(6-8) 122.06
This one was an absolutely fantasy nailbiter. Pack Attack played a near 100% efficient lineup, but even with that 100% efficiency they would have fallen .08 short. What really cost them this week was the Raiders getting shut out by Kansas City. A pointless field goal would have swung this matchup the other way. Trey McBride has a real case for being the new best TE in football and Rashee Rice had a big game in his return to football, finishing with 2 TDs and 20 fantasy points. Jalen Hurts hadn't thrown for 300 yards in a game since last September and he picked a great week to do so again. Javonte Williams continues to play like a man possessed on a Dallas offense that needs all the points it can get. Rhamondre Stevenson has battled his way back into the lead back position in New England.
League Leaders
League Leaders
Fantasy Points (All)
Patrick Mahomes, 173
Jonathan Taylor 167.9
Christian McCaffrey 160.6
Jalen Hurts 148.4
Drake Maye 146.5
Fantasy Points (Non-QB)
Jonathan Taylor, 167.9
Christian McCaffrey 160.6
Bijian Robinson 130.4
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 130
Jahmyr Gibbs 127
Passing Yards
Patrick Mahomes 1800
Drake Maye 1744
Bo Nix 1556
Jalen Hurts 1498
Josh Allen 1397
Passing TDs
Patrick Mahomes 14
Drake Maye 12
3 Tied with 11
3 Tied with 10
Rushing Yards
Jonathan Taylor, 699
Javonte Williams 592
James Cook 537
Kyren Williams 537Jahmyr Gibbs 526
Rushing TDs
Jonathan Taylor, 10
Josh Jacobs 8
Javonte Williams 6
Jahmyr Gibbs 6James Cook 5
Jalen Hurts 5
Sacks
Denver 23
Seattle 21
Detroit 19
Washington 19Green Bay 18
Pittsburgh 16
Receptions
Ja'Marr Chase 58
Puka Nacua 54
Christian McCaffrey 53
Amon-Ra St. Brown 50
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 50
Receiving Yards
Jaxon Smith-Njigba 819
Ja'Marr Chase 629
Puka Nacua 616
George Pickens 607
Amon-Ra St. Brown 538
Receiving TDs
Amon-Ra St. Brown 7
George Pickens 6
Jake Ferguson 6
Davante Adams 64 Tied with 5
5 Tied with 4
Last week we were looking for the top rushing duo. This one wasn't close. Salty Spitoon's duo of Jahmyr Gibbs and D'Andre Swift totaled 260 yards, which was plenty enough to take home the big money.
This week let's look for PPR trio. The top 3 teammates with the most receptions takes home the bonus.
And now what you've really been waiting for...the SEWIFFL Player of the Week. If you look at what this players SEWIFFL team and their NFL team was able to do with his performance it becomes an obvious choice. He went from Zero to Hero in one quarter, Salty Spitoon QB Bo Nix is the Week 7 SEWIFFL Player of the Week. The trophy is in the mail, Bo. Congrats.
🎙️ Live from Paris: The 2025 SEWIFFL Olympic Finals — Fantasy Football, Now an Official Olympic Discipline
Hosts:
Tony “Two Tight Ends” Garofalo and Sheila McMichaels
Tony: “It’s a historic day, Sheila. For the first time, fantasy football is recognized as an Olympic sport — and who better to represent the chaos, drama, and unchecked emotional volatility of the game than SEWIFFL?”
Sheila: “Twelve nations—sorry, teams—competing for glory, heartbreak, and validation from total strangers. Let’s go to our judges: the honorable Judge Judy, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air himself, and our… well, questionably neutral comrade, Judge Yuri Vladislavovich Rublov from the Russian Federation.”
🥇 Joe Buck Yourself
🥇 Joe Buck Yourself
Judge Judy: “Competent. Organized. But Ja’Marr Chase’s inconsistency is more offensive than a bad courtroom haircut. 8.4.”
Fresh Prince: “Started rough, finished strong. Real Cinderella vibes if Cinderella wore shoulder pads. 9.1.”
Judge Rublov: “Is number one team. Also, I receive fine bottle of vodka from owner. Coincidence. 9.9.”
🥈 Powderhoundmals
🥈 Powderhoundmals
Judge Judy: “Solid numbers, but that PA column looks like a war crime. 8.2.”
Fresh Prince: “Jonathan Taylor running like he’s got Bel-Air bills to pay. Respect. 8.9.”
Judge Rublov: “Team reminds me of strong bear. Very powerful. Smells like rubles. 10.0.”
🥉 Big Nix Energy
🥉 Big Nix Energy
Judge Judy: “Promising, but a little too flashy. Tucker Kraft is not a lifestyle brand. 7.8.”
Fresh Prince: “They got style, they got vibe. But Omarion Hampton on IR? Man, that’s a bad episode. 8.5.”
Judge Rublov: “Name sound like state energy company. I trust them. 9.7.”
4️ Bart Was The Best
4️ Bart Was The Best
Judge Judy: “If Bart was the best, why aren’t they? I rest my case. 7.6.”
Fresh Prince: “JSN starting to cook! Like, finally! Still feels like they’re one mixtape away from greatness. 8.4.”
Judge Rublov: “Is good American boy. Also, Bart send gift basket. Very nice cheeses. 9.8.”
5 The Salty Spitoon
5 The Salty Spitoon
Judge Judy: “Cam Skattebo sounds like a Scandinavian law firm. Inconsistent, but I respect the chaos. 7.5.”
Fresh Prince: “Cam runs like the DMV line just opened. I love that energy. 8.7.”
Judge Rublov: “DanSpike? Ah yes. Very familiar name. No reason. 10.0.”
6️ Muddy Bananas
6️ Muddy Bananas
Judge Judy: “D’Von Achane? Delightful but fragile, like fine china. 7.2.”
Fresh Prince: “The Bananas always bring the drip, but somebody needs to peel that defense. 8.0.”
Judge Rublov: “Bananas very popular in Sochi. Strong potassium levels. 9.5.”
7 Pinche Bendejo
7 Pinche Bendejo
Judge Judy: “Rico Dowdle? That’s not a name, that’s a misdemeanor. 6.9.”
Fresh Prince: “Team’s got vibes, but not results. This is like season one Will still living in Philly. 7.8.”
Judge Rublov: “Owner send me fine leather boots. Score reflect quality craftsmanship. 9.9.”
8 Pack Attack
8 Pack Attack
Judge Judy: “Amon-Ra St. Brown? Now that’s a professional. Rest of you could take notes. 8.0.”
Fresh Prince: “They’re that quiet team in the corner that might stab you with a waiver claim. I dig it. 8.3.”
Judge Rublov: “They attack. Name honest. Respect. 9.4.”
9 Trash Pandas
9 Trash Pandas
Judge Judy: “Raccoons belong in dumpsters, not leaderboards. 6.7.”
Fresh Prince: “Bijan deserves better. So do my eyeballs. 7.5.”
Judge Rublov: “Is Trash Pandas. Yet they share vodka memes with me. 9.8.”
10 The Bearded Clams
10 The Bearded Clams
Judge Judy: “Josh Jacobs trying, but this whole team smells like low tide. 6.5.”
Fresh Prince: “Clams got heart, but they’re not shucking enough wins. 7.1.”
Judge Rublov: “They pay in shellfish. Russia accepts. 9.6.”
11 Peeping Thomas
11 Peeping Thomas
Judge Judy: “Drake Maye needs to stop peeping and start producing. 6.1.”
Fresh Prince: “This team’s like a rom-com side character: funny, but doomed. 7.0.”
Judge Rublov: “Low score, but he once say kind words about Putin. 9.7.”
12 Cotch11
12 Cotch11
Judge Judy: “2-12? I’ve seen more effort from defendants in contempt. 4.5.”
Fresh Prince: “Baker Mayfield is still starting? Bruh. That’s not fantasy, that’s delusion. 5.2.”
Judge Rublov: “They tried hard. Hard work is very Russian value. 9.9.”
Tony: “And there you have it, folks! Our final tallies show that Yuri Rublov’s patriotism is apparently available for purchase at market rates.”
Sheila: “Judge Judy calls them mediocre, Fresh Prince calls them hopeful, and Judge Rublov calls them... business partners.”
Tony: “SEWIFFL — where fantasy meets farce, and corruption has a decimal point.”
(Cue triumphant Olympic fanfare, abruptly transitioning into “Wild Thing” by Tone Lōc as Yuri pockets an envelope labeled ‘Powderhoundmals’.)
No, I'm not entirely certain what is going on anymore either. Baseball is a dumb sport, good luck this week!
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