Big Nix Energy (6-2) 137.0 - Peeping Thomas (4-4) 98.62

Patrick Mahomes had 4 TDs, but the real star was Omarion Hampton. The rookie has come alive the last two weeks after starting his NFL career pretty slowly. He had 128 yards and a TD, plus 37 yards through the air. Quinshon Judkins also looks like a real NFL RB, he had 19.5 points despite the game script getting away from the Browns. The Patriots defense looked stout against the Panthers, scoring a TD and finishing with 16 points. On the flip side, Derrick Henry barely touched the ball. Totalling just 10 touches. Brian Thomas had another decent NFL game, that is a below average fantasy game. Courtland Sutton had another solid game for the Broncos, 5 for 81 and 1.

Omarion Hampton's 128 yards set a team high for BNE. 

Bart Was The Best (4-4) 150.30 - Joe Buck Yourself (6-2) 124.36

Joe Burrow going down injured early this season was the absolutely worst thing that could have happened for Ja'Marr Chase. Jake Browning just isn't it. Sam and I were talking during the games and both agree that the Bengals need Jameis Winston in the worst way. If they're serious about winning in any way, send the Giants a late round pick for Famous Jameis and bring that offense back to life. Chase Brown seems to have lost 4 or 5 steps, even when Burrow was healthy. BWTB got huge games out of Matthew Stafford, Bucky Irving, Emeka Egbuka(Who is a touchdown machine!), and Quentin Johnston. Those were enough of a safety net to take just OK games from Trey Benson and JSN.

Stafford set a team high of 375 yards through the air and tied a team high with 3 TDs. 

Powderhoundmals (5-3) 133.68 - The Salty Spitoon (4-4) 128.44

This matchup was looking like a Spitoon victory going into Sunday Night Football. George had Jordan Love, Jake Ferguson, George Pickens, and Brandon McManus and in a "normal" Sunday Night Football 24-17 matchup he might fall short, but a 40-40 tie led to 90 points going to the Hounds. To his credit, George stuck to his Jordan Love guns and made the right QB decision as Love outscored Caleb Williams and Justin Herbert...combined. For Salty Spitoon it came down to the FLEX decision and starting Juwan Johnson over Stefon Diggs sunk the ship. 

George Pickens set a team high for Receiving TDs for Powderhoundmals.

Pack Attack (5-3) 115.08 - Trash Pandas (3-5) 113.48

The core of the Pack Attack squad came through, James Cook, Isiah Pacheco, Sun God and Deebo all had sizable contributions, accounting for 62 combined points. Disaster was avoided by covering for Dylan Sampson's negative result. On the other side, Geno Smith just looked plain bad for the Raiders. You could see it watching the game and the announcers even pointed it out. It would've taken some stones to start Jaxson Dart, but that would have turned the tides in Trash Panda's favor. Bill Croskey-Merritt, Jameson Williams(Despite having a bunch of targets) and Kyren Williams all had pedestrian games. 

Geno Smith, unsurprising set a Panda's team high for INTs.

Muddy Bananas (4-4) 139.34 - Cotch11 (2-6) 120.72

Justin Fields had a huge 45 yard TD run on a broken play that was a huge boost to his final score, but the player of the day for the Bananas was Ashton Jeanty. He had a coming out party when it was questioned if he was going to be the real deal, but 32.5 points proves he is indeed real. Jordan Addison, fresh off suspension, had a big game as well, 4 grabs for 114 yards. The big question will be what to do with Travis Hunter, fantasy managers have been asking for a while, and the Jags seem to be confused too. For Cotch, Jared Goff was just ok against the Browns, Saquon "only" had 15 points, but Chuba and AJ Brown combined for just 10 points. AJ Brown is the cause of high blood pressure across the fantasy world this season. 

Muddy Bananas played a 100% efficiency lineup, no substitution could have made his point total higher. DK Metcalf set a team high for Cotch with 126 yards. For the Bananas Ashton Jeanty's 138 yards is the highest rushing total since 2023 and Brandon Aubrey's 5 PATs sets the same. 

The Bearded Clams (3-5) 116.4 - Pinche Bendejo (2-6) 104.8

Ben made the pickup and play of the week, grabbing Kenneth Gainwell and plugging him into the lineup. Gainwell ran all over Dublin for 134 total yards and 28 fantasy points. Romeo Doubs and his 3 TDs were stuck on the bench, but Doubs seems to have cemented himself as Jordan Love's favorite receiver. He'll need to be to make up for the loss of Malik Nabers. The Clams had big RB performances from CMC and Josh Jacobs, both putting up well over 20 points. JK Dobbins topped 100 yards rushing, the first for the Broncos in a few years. That was enough to make up for meh performances from the rest of the Clams squad. 

Kyler's 2 INTs tied a team high for The Bearded Clams. 

SEWIFFL: A Michilen Star Review

One peruses the standings of this so-called SEWIFFL as one might peruse a seasonal menu. To my dismay, the fare is uneven, much like a tavern that dares to serve escargot beside microwave nachos.

At the top, Joe Buck Yourself sits at 6–2, a dish that is, dare I say, passable. Their points for (509.76) and points against (479.42) suggest a soufflé that has risen — but only just. Hardly transcendent, but edible with a fine wine. Big Nix Energy at the same 6–2 record is equally serviceable, though their PF of 475.76 feels like over-sauced pasta: filling, yes, but lacking refinement.

Pack Attack deserves a nod — 527.56 points for, second-most among these rabble, while holding opponents to a mere 433. This is not a pub burger; this is Wagyu beef cooked rare, delicately salted, and served with pomp. Should the kitchen not collapse under pressure, they may yet earn a Michelin star in this otherwise greasy spoon.

Meanwhile, Powderhoundmals deliver a PF of 476.99 but allow a grotesque 513.18 against. It is as if one has ordered steak tartare only to find it half-devoured by the chef. A curiosity, but unfit for polite company.

The middle ranks are cluttered with mediocrity — The Salty Spitoon (PF 481.04, PA 431.9) and Muddy Bananas (PF 472, PA 458.16) are bowls of soup neither hot nor cold: tepid, uninspired, yet served with smug satisfaction. Bart Was The Best and Peeping Thomas, each at 4–4, present PF totals in the mid-440s, the culinary equivalent of gas station sushi: technically edible, but a choice one regrets immediately.

And then we descend into the swamp. Trash Pandas at 3–5 with a PF of 471.56 betray their championship heritage — this is a stale croissant from yesterday’s bakery, crumbling, dry, and beneath contempt. The Bearded Clams, equally 3–5, post just 448.48 PF. That is not food; it is gruel, served without seasoning, presented as if we should be grateful.

Finally, the cellar dwellers: Cotch11 and Pinche Bendejo, each at 2–6. The former manages 448.48 PF but concedes 507.7 against — the equivalent of opening a restaurant only to have the health inspector shut it down on day two. The latter, Pinche Bendejo, with a revolting PF of 416.06, is an affront to gastronomy. This is no meal. This is reheated Taco Bell, served on fine china, and charged as if it were caviar.

In summation, this so-called league, the SEWIFFL, is not a dining hall but a cafeteria — and a poorly managed one at that. A few entrées, such as Pack Attack’s robust PF and Joe Buck Yourself’s sturdy record, rise above the slop to resemble actual cuisine. But the rest? They wallow in mediocrity like overcooked risotto drowning in butter, served by waiters who mistake bravado for skill. It is, frankly, a menu unworthy of return custom. If this were my establishment, I’d shutter the doors, burn the recipes, and forbid the chefs from ever touching a saucepan again.